whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
