Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
