Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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