isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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