i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
this hospital has no fireball
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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