I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
