I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
