It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
