I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
