Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
