doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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