Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
