she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
