What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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