From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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