'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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