she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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