We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When did angry sex become our thing?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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