....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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