I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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