Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
