I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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