I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
