If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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