I think my fart just growled at me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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