Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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