why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
