a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
