Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
