Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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