As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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