He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
