He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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