Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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