If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
