Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
