I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
