Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my phone needs a breathalizer
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
