thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize