omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
