Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
