are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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