I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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