This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
