This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
