i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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