you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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