Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
