Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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