Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
