I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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