Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Come on in and take your pants off
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