i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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