taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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