He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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