Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
