So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
