be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
