I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
