I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
