Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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