just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
