I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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