Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
