yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
