Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
