walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
