He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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