We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
